Hmmmm I was posting hot there for a minute but somethings have come up, but ehh whatever also I am on myspace now so those who are interested its the same as this name but with yahoo.com at the end of it, But I dunno been thinkin alot lately, when aren't I huh???? But you know that song Eminem song " When I am gone"???? I know thats about what his life and his daughter but, some parts of it remind me of my life and the way I feel about things, Espically the chorus. In a way I feel I have failed a lot of my friends by my change of heart, and because of the Army I have made some wrong desision's in life. Hmmmm I dunno, but I dunno I really don't know anymore, Hell today I was talking about   3 months after I get back to germany  voluntering for Afganstan, one of our units is leaving for there not before to long. But I mean what do I got to lose???? I hate Germany I really don't wanna go back, and thats another year out of the way, Then when I get back from there I only have a year left, so then that means all I have to do is focus on getting out that last year. But I dunno things are all a blur right now and I am getting ahead of my self, but to those who I have disappointed I am sorry

Peace Ham

Currently Listening "Creedence Clearwater Revival - Chronicle, Vol. 1: The 20 Greatest Hits" By Creedence Clearwater Revival Fortunate Son "Good War Song" If you listen to the words you'll understand what I am saying see related

All right all right I need to re-track some things, Last night I was most definiatily hyped on some stuff, I dunno I read things about and talk to friends about and go threw things out here that piss me off and make me an angry person, I need to work on that. Hmmmmmm It sometimes take the people you care about to make comments to make you relize your an idiot at times, I don't hate these people, I have a MAJOR serious dis-like for em.  As for coming back here, thats my own agenda people you can't understand it unless your here, Our hands are basically tied over here, I want to be able to make a difference with no ROE "Rules Of Engagment" Its just so hard to explain things at time, the feelings you can go threw one minute you hate with all your passion, and I dunno. Don't watch the news either people the news lie's and shows you only one half of what goes on. I just I dunno

But anyways take care people, I am out.

Only 34 days left and wudda ya know I am gonna make it out after all

Currently Listening It's Dark and Hell Is Hot By DMX Track # 1 the best see related

Lets see........... what to say, ya know I like writing on here again I get to get out everything I am thinkin, But yeah I know I have some concerns from friends about my future plans, and I take your thoughts into consideration all the time and you know I got mad love for ya, ya know that,  but I dunno the more and more I am here, I think about the shit, where else in the world can you get PAID!!!! To kill people, espically one's you have come to hate?????? Where??? Its two for one, I get to make sure they don't kill anymore soldiers and I get bank for it. I dunno where else I can do that, so hey sounds worth it to me I dunno, but ehhh thats life, other than that I dunno as most can tell I am more of angry person, Hey I got past the fear to go onto angry haven't been able to shake it like the fear, fuck I can't remember the last time I really smiled maybe a smirk at that it............... Its true somethings will change you forever but hey maybe change isan't always so bad, but eh my new favorite quote will sum it up "I don't give a fuck!"

To all veterans got nothin for love for ya, anyone who has lost someone or had their lives affected by this war or any war nothin but love for ya

Peace out people

Ham

Currently Listening Ludacris Presents Disturbing Tha Peace By Ludacris & DTP, Disturbing Tha Peace Come See Me see related

Hey whats going on people, ya know done some more thinkin out here, Ya know I have to say I let some things I have seen and done get the best of me, and for a short time I was weak. I was scared and afraid, But ya know thats not me I am stronger than that, I always have gotten threw tough situations. Now I think the fear is gone, In a sense I embrace it, Ever seen what a 50. cal can do to a man?????? Its specatcular you would have too see it in person to admire it,  I know it sounds fucked up, but hey thats life, and he had it coming  you should have seen the look on his face, Like right now I say fuck it let em kill each other off, thats less of em I have to worry about trying to kill me.  My heart goes out to all those who have lost someone in this war or any other war. Now more than ever do I respect veterans of other wars, I already did have respect for em, but it is now to its fulliest level. I don't know what to expect anymore in life, and who I am gonna be after this, Prob a more cold person, I know I still like to laugh and make people laugh but ya know its one thing to laugh on the outside, and not on the inside. I don't know but hey fuck Iraq, and fuck a lot of other people I can't say no names for reason's if you don't know who I am talking about think about it. *Middle finger in the air*

Peace Im out

Hamj

Currently Listening Ludacris Presents Disturbing Tha Peace By Ludacris & DTP, Disturbing Tha Peace Sweet Revenge see related

Hey whats going on people??? Not a lot here, I have been thinkin about my last entry. About coming back out here as a Mercenary, I could do that, I don't care what I have learned in the past year or what I have done. I know eventually my sins will catch back up to me, But I know God understands I was put in extreme situations and I did the best I could, and its not murder if you were defending yourself. But to all people reading this I really hope you never have to be put in a situation like that. But hey its like I say why come back over here in the Army makin shit for money when I can come back as a Civilian making 3 time the money and no rules of engagment. But hey thats life, but anyways take it easy people

Stay up

Ham